Archives/Prostitution…

Any of my published pieces will be accessable at http://www.xomba.com/user/dkpetley which will be serving the dual roles of creative archive and google ad-sense cash-cow simultaneously.

That’s right.  Unscrupulous bastard.

Elipses…

 

That’s what they’re called.  Those three little dots that shave a sentence shy leaving only expectancy, insinuation and that painfully pregnant pause…

Elipses…

If my burgeoning career as a writer was one long run-on sentence (which it often feels like and according to my fiancee, most definitely sounds like) then this little week or two would be elipses…

The funny thing about writing is the level of interest that surrounds the process — a process that is ultimately, as solitary an activity as they come.  True, the peripherals make for great editorial and the eventual results make for great reading, but a sad truth remains:

At some point, I have to take a breather from shameless self-promotion to actually write.  And with some December deadlines looming, that’s exactly what I’m doing.  That and chasing down interviews for Whitehot Magazine of Contemporary and actorshelpingactors.com.

 Just a little reminder: December 5  you can find the latest issue of Style Republic Magazine featuring my piece on celebrity meltdowns as a spectator sport.  Next month should also see my exclusive Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff interview up on The Metropolitan Magazine website.  Also, look for my satirical look at soccer in America in the January issue of Trajan Magazine.  As always, I’m sporadically waxing obnoxious at yabbadabbahubbado.com.

 So, switching gears I’d like to take a moment to recognize the unsung heroes of the English literary world.  Not the educated and eloquent.  Not the novelists, poets, playwrites.  Not the brilliant wordsmiths who hone their craft, breathing life and magic onto the empty page with a flourish of gorgeous verbiage.  Not these guys at all.

This is an homage to the bellboy in Bangkok whose exposure to English is limited to the blurb on the Budweiser can… the entrepreneur in Eastern Europe armed with nothing but a product to sell and an English dictionary…  this is an homage to the Non-English-Speakers who gallantly attempt to use our ridiculuosly-complicated language, elipses and all…

This is for them.  And despite what may be lost in translation, I think we can all agree that they deserve an A for effort.  Here are some of my favs:

 (In a Leipzig elevator)  “Do not enter lift backwards and only when lit up.”

In Belgrade elevators, they go into greater detail…

“To move cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.”

But it’s the hotel industry that’s offering the best packages…

(In a Yugoslavian hotel)

“The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid”

Not to be outdone by their European counterparts, it would seem that the Japanese sweetened the deal with this simple offer…

“You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid”

But my all-time favourite has to be this tantilizing offering from a Polish menu…

“Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.”

Bravo.  Somebody’s celebrating the semi-colon. 

So let’s give a nod to these ambitious scribes.  Because it’s not always about doing well.  Sometimes, it’s just about doing your best.

D.

 

COMING DECEMBER 5th…

Watch for my article examining the public’s morbid fascination with fucked-up celebrities in the December issue of Style Republic Magazine.  COMING DECEMBER 5th.